Editorial Listing |
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Editor-in-Chief Kimberly Snider Photography Johnson Li Copy Editor Evelyn Damian Layout Camille Ty |
MOMS Issue 4 / 2005 • Published quarterly by APMedia
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| Just Asking | |
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by Peter Banzon, Hope for You radio broadcast
A: Often we evade the question. We tell them “you’re too young to think about those things, just concentrate on your studies.” But you know what? The question will simply not go away. This question can be a wonderful opportunity for you to help your children develop the ability to make a good choice. • Affirm to them that marriage is good, and is part of God’s plan for people. • Teach them that when they make God the center of their life, He will guide them in their choice of a life partner. • Help them understand the qualities a good life partner should have. A good life partner should have their priorities in order—God at the center of their life. A future mate should have your son or daughter’s highest good at the top of their priority list too. The best list of good qualities appears in I Corinthians chapter 13. Marriage is not a fairytale where people live happily
ever after with no problems. People are not perfect
so there are no perfect marriages. Facts don’t
lie; some marriages don’t work. That’s
why both husband and wife need God at the center of
their lives, then, when problems come, God will enable
them to do the right things. |
by Kimberly Snider
When you got married, did you plan on being unfaithful to your husband? Probably none of us got married planning to fall out of love with our husband, or planning to fall in love later with someone else. Yet, it happens a lot. Why?
In most marriages there are times when couples feel far away from one another. There are times of disagrrement, and boredom. If someone attractive appears on the scene at these crucial times, it is very easy to fall in love and break the wedding vows.
Faithfulness in a marrige starts long before vows are exchanged at the altar. It starts with personal values. Do you and your husband strongly believe you must be sexually pure for each other for your lifetime? Are you willing to keep this commitment even when you do not feel loving toward one another? Even when you meet someone else who is more alluring? Here are some things to remember:
• Realize that adultery starts in the mind. Refuse to entertain
any thoughts of other men.
• When confronted by opportunities with other men, run away!
• When there is a conflict, try to settle it right away.
Do not just avoid the issue, because anger and disappointment
will grow.
• Have a support group: A church or fellowship is a good
place to find one.
• Learn what Jesus expects by praying and reading the Bible.
• Reach out and try to regain the closeness in marriage
you had before.
• Try to be content with what you have.
Remaining faithful in marriage when there is unhappiness is not
easy, but God promises to help. We can say “no” to
temptation. We can say “yes” to faithfulness. If bad
feelings persist, we can still control what we do about them.
The question we must all answer is, “What kind of person
do we want to be?” If we want to be a woman of integrity,
we must say NO to temptation.
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by APMM staff
My friend opened her heart to me after we had spent many hours traveling together on the bus. It was in the middle of the night, and in the darkness heads were nodding in sleep. It was a good time for sharing our hearts. “There is something you don’t know about me,” she said. “I almost left my husband.”
I was glad of the darkness. I didn’t want my surprise to show on my face. My friend was a strong worker in her church, no longer young, with teenage children. I had always thought of her as a steady kind of person, a good example, the perfect mom. “What happened?” I asked.
“I got tired of being hurt,” she replied. “I worked for so long, without any appreciation from my husband. He was working hard also and any demands I made on his time made him angry. When I tried to tell him how disappointed I was in our life, he just got hurt too, and ignored me even more. I was desperately lonely, ready to consider leaving him or taking my own life. Then I met someone else.”
“Another man?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Yes. He listened to me. He respected me. He really TALKED to me. In his eyes I was important and desirable. I wanted to be with him, but I didn’t want to leave my family. I even prayed about it. I asked God if I could have this man and still serve Him and go to heaven.”
“What did God say?” I asked breathlessly.
“He said ‘no.’ I knew He meant it, so I knew I had to end my relationship with this guy. We weren’t having sex yet, but I knew it was coming.”
“What did you do?”
“I suffered a lot. I found a prayer partner and she prayed for me all the time. I got counseling. I totally stopped seeing or talking to the other man. I started to pray for my husband and to compliment him. I forced myself to be affectionate with my husband. It took a long time.
“How are you now?”
“God did an amazing miracle. First, my husband began to change. It took a long time, but he started to appreciate me again. He started to tell me I was pretty. He stopped getting mad at everything I said. And then, I started to love my husband again. Now, I wonder why I was ever attracted to that other man.”
“That is wonderful!” I marveled. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I know you write for mothers,” she said. “I
thought my story would encourage someone else. See, God didn’t
just help me stay faithful. He made me happy as well!” back
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| Art & Minda Elbinias |
| Art and Minda Elbinias have a multi-faceted
view of the OFW situation Minda worked for 13 years in Saudi Arabia hospitals as a secretary, and later as section head of Materials Management. Art was an executive there for 10 years, first at a dairy company and later at a bank. While working in Saudi, the Elbinias actively pursued the betterment of fellow OFWs. Art organized the OFW Chamber of Commerce, a civic group that helped OFWs be self-productive in preparation for their return to the Philippines. They also engaged in advocacy through the OFW Congress, a non-legal body which drafted resolutions toward OFW welfare for submission to the Philippine House of Representatives. They linked up underground Filipino church leaders kingdom-wide for mutual support, and they encouraged underground churches to reach out to their fellow OFWs, by offering tangible help, spiritual counsel, and by demonstrating Christian love and involvement. When Art and Minda returned to the Philippines, President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo appointed Minda to sit on the governing board representing the Women’s sector of the Philippine Overseas Employment Administration. Presently Mrs. Elbinias is the president of Overseas Contract Workers’ (OCW) Care, a non-government organization that coordinates with the Department of Foreign Affairs here, and the Philippine Embassy in Saudi, to facilitate release of detained OFWs, mobilizing fellow OFWs to put up funds for their repatriation, and providing spiritual counsel and help with livelihood opportunities. Also, through OCW Care, Art and Minda make training available to fellow OFWs about how to start a small business when they return to the Philippines, how to be stewards of their earnings, etc. Art has even conceptualized a savings and insurance investment for OFWs in preparation for their return home. In addition, OCW Care and the GO Foundation have sought to help returning OFWs by providing job referrals to partnering recruitment agencies, livelihood assistance, and other kinds of information they might need to cope with the economic situation here. Presently the Elbinias manage a family business, and pastor Moonwalk Baptist Church in Las Pinas. servexphil@yahoo.com |
by Author Michelle Ocampo-Joaquin
“The irony of it all is that Filipinos
are going abroad to provide security for their family while leaving
their families insecure.”
Quoted during the launch of “Scattered:
The Filipino Global Presence” (LifeChange Publishing, 2004)
Perhaps every Filipino has a family member or knows someone who
is an overseas worker. The state of our economy makes working
abroad a very attractive option. But because of what we hear now
about the burdens that many OFWs bear, it is critical to sit down
and count the cost of this choice before embarking on it.
Arthur and Minda Elbinias agreed to discuss the situation of Overseas Filipino Workers worldwide. Art placed the number of documented OFWs at approximately 1 million people. Minda suggests the figure could be as high as seven million if undocumented OFWs are included.
Why do people go?
According to Art and Minda, often, the motivation to leave home
is the same for everyone: to provide financial security for the
family. OFWs expect to earn more than what they can earn back
home. They plan to build their homes, send their children to school
and save for the future. Art says when he first arrived in Saudi,
he noticed fellow OFWs were preoccupied with acquiring electronics,
tapes and other luxuries for their families.
Many people are positive about sending their family members abroad. Minda reports Filipinas as young as 14 or 15 are passed off as 18 through illegal recruitment, and are sent to Japan with full acceptance by their families. The reason: “Kasi uuwi, mapera; nagkakaroon ng magandang bahay; nagkakaroon ng sasakyan.”
What are the costs of the choice
to go abroad?
 Minda Elbinias |
In Saudi, Minda shares, domestic helpers are the more problematic group. Their problems stem from the limited freedom to go out and the demands of adjusting to different cultural and religious practices. Minda surmises, only 5 out of 10 domestic helpers are able to find good employers in Saudi. Minda reports that stories of beatings and of helpers’ backs being seared by a hot iron are true.
On the other hand, Art reports, there are around 50-100 Filipinos in Saudi jails who are detained on various charges. They get drunk, or try to augment their remittance back home by illegally producing wine and selling it. Sometimes, Art shares, the problem also rests with people “back home.” Those who are abroad support the habits of a family member or cave in to a loved one’s “bilmoko” wiles.
Filipinas who go to Japan as entertainers tackle a different kind of problem. While their permits allow them only to entertain clients in the clubs, their employers pressure them to go out with customers — a practice called dohan. Some are raped and end up as prostitutes, or contract sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS. Likewise, Filipinas who enter Korea illegally as GROs (Guest Relations Officers) end up becoming prostitutes. Without a formal employment tie-up with Korea, the Philippines cannot track down problematic entertainment workers there.
Is the money worth the risk?
Art Elbinias |
Financial mismanagement is heartbreaking for the overseas worker. Many OFWs work for years assuming that their earnings are properly spent and saved, only to come home to discover that they were squandered away. When the OFW comes home to nothing, the little money he has saved, he uses to put up a business which he does not know how to run. Then, he has no other resort but to return abroad. Thus, the cycle continues. Art observes, “If you will notice, maski sa mga newspaper, kahit mapahamak sila sa Iraq, they will go back to Iraq. Why? Because of the economic situation. Plus kung hindi marunong ang wife maghandle ng pera, hindi nakakaipon, hindi napunta sa magandang paraan ang mga ipinapadalang pera, that is also one of the factors that lead to the separation of families.”
Art surmises that 90% of the problem of financial mismanagement is with the recipient rather than with the sender. Because of such heartbreak, some OFWs end up with psychological problems or in a marriage breakup.
Stress on marriages
The physical separation of spouses because of overseas assignment
leaves the marriage relationship vulnerable. The Elbinias reveal
that some surveys indicate that only 1 out of 10 families survive
the physical separation caused by overseas work.
Stress on children
Perhaps the most helpless victims of the separation are the children
of OFWs. Minda reports that some kids, without parental presence,
turn to drugs or early marriage. Without the presence of their
parents, children are vulnerable to abuse by relatives or other
household members they stay with.
Even when the family is somehow able to cope, there is still estrangement. When OFWs return home for good, relationships are strained when families realize they are not used to each other’s presence at home.
Personal worth is diminished
Art voiced a serious concern for those who go abroad under compromising
situations. Sending women as young as 14 to Japan, for instance,
with full knowledge of their family communicates to these girls
that their dignity is worth being sacrificed when finances are
the name of the game. “Just imagine… ano ang magiging
outcome nitong generation na ito? Wala na, ang mga moral values
will be very low, they will accept what society dictates –
hindi na according to norms and moral values that God has placed
in this society…(de)sensitized na yung moral values…
Ito ang magiging impact — the generation of these young
ladies will be different. Di ba? Wala eh, sa kanila kasi accepted
na eh. So yung magiging anak nila, they will follow the same concept
or perception of moral acceptance. Iyon ang masakit.”
On the other hand, what does it communicate to children when parents leave home just so money can be present in the family? With an entire generation of those whose values are defined this way, there is much cause for alarm.
Aiming at the Heart of the Problem
Is there a lasting solution to the OFW problem—disintegrating
families, disappearing financial resources, compromised moral
values, and the risk of losing life? Art and Minda make an unorthodox
proposal: inner transformation. The OFW has to beef up his inner
resources in order to make tough decisions about his life and
his family’s. To do this, he needs a growing relationship
with God.
When godly perspectives are built into the minds and hearts of OFWs, the attitude of trusting God instead of trusting money to provide for the family will address the OFW problem. The Elbinias share their life stories as a case in point: “We were earning thousands of dollars a month, and when God said, tapos na kayo diyan — eh sa Pilipinas, ano ba? Dollars pa ba? Hindi na! But God sustained us. Hindi naman kami nabuhay na below the standard that we are used to. But who supplies it? It is God! Pagdating dito, you are facing a situation na mahirap kasi peso, di ba? And we used to get comfortable salaries. But it’s God that sustains eh. Ibig sabihin, kung ang focus ngayon ng iyong purpose sa buhay is not anymore material, but God-centered, He will always sustain you. Sabihin mo, “Hindi, maghihirap na ako kasi…” Kami ba naghirap? No, we still have the same lifestyle. Of course wala nang luxuries.”
They have also experienced what it was like to trust God to provide for them: “You will not imagine how God used people. One person He used as an instrument for us to start our business. You know how much he invested in us, yung taong iyon? Almost fifty thousand US dollars. Who in the world would give you that much money? It’s only God using people. Because we trusted Him. Kaya sabi ko, anong solusyon sa OFW? It’s still the Lord Jesus Christ. Kasi nakita namin sa buhay namin.”
Art and Minda conclude that a relationship
with God is the only thing that can change OFWs from equating
security with money to trusting in God, and therefore, enable
them to get in touch with the values they may have sacrificed
in the process, and reorient OFW hearts toward home. Many problems
OFWs face have, after all, spiritual roots.
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| An interview with Dr. Rhose Silverio-Balanon, dentist and 1990 graduate of Centro Escolar University with a specialty in Orthodontics. |
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Most people go to the dentist when they already have a problem with their teeth, especially if they are in pain, or they couldn’t sleep the night before!
If you are in pain, what
does that usually mean?
It can mean decay is advanced and it is hard to do anything to
mend it. We should see it before it starts to develop. You should
have a general cleaning once a year so we can we see if decay
is starting, and we can do something other than removing the tooth.
How can pregnant moms take care of their teeth?
During pregnancy it is important to take a calcium supplement
along with your vitamins. It helps with bone formation in the
unborn child. The teeth develop in the first part of the pregnancy.
Why do women sometimes lose teeth during pregnancy?
It is hormonal. They need a dental check up during pregnancy so
we can discover problems and treat them at a time that is good
for the mother and the baby.
Are primary, or “baby teeth” important?
A lot of people feel you don’t need to be too careful with
baby teeth because they won’t last. However, these teeth
are very important because they guide the eruption of the permanent
ones. There is the proper time for eruption of permanent teeth.
Losing baby teeth at the wrong time causes lots of problems. Don’t
pull the primary teeth, when it is time for them to go, they will
get loose.
How do we care for children’s teeth?
The most important thing is brushing. When the first teeth appear,
use a damp cloth and wipe with plain water. Once the child is
6 months old, use a small head tooth brush with very soft bristles.
When the child is old enough to know how to spit, start using
a small amount of toothpaste. Moms should brush teeth for their
kids until they are 3 or 4 and continue guiding until they are
8. Use tooth paste that is specifically formulated for kids because
it has lower fluoride content, and remind the kids not to swallow
it. Children should floss. When the first permanent molars arrive,
usually about 6 years old, mothers should have the dentist put
a sealant on them. This is a colorless film which will protect
the teeth from cavities.
Is there a difference in tooth paste brands?
There is no difference between local or imported tooth paste.
It isn’t necessary to buy expensive brands. However, the
toothbrush is important. I usually recommend toothbrush with small
head, not too hard or too soft bristle. Ideally you
should brush every time you eat, but if you can’t, at least
twice a day.
Why do so many people have false teeth?
Lots of people in the Philippines wear dentures because in the
70’s some dentists recommended extraction for almost every
problem since it was less expensive. Now most dentists are recommending
fillings or root canals to save damaged teeth. Ask your dentist,
‘What is the best thing we can do?’ Let the dentist
decide; don’t just tell him to pull it.
Why are some people afraid of dentists?
Maybe they connect a dentist with pain. Dental care doesn’t
hurt as much now. There is a lot of new technology, so very little
pain. Sometimes parents threaten their kids with the dentist as
a punishment, don’t ever do that!. Take your child to the
dentist when they are really young so that they will learn not
to be afraid. back
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by Kimberly Snider
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There are several things people can do to improve their marriage. Today I will mention just one—Marriage Encounter. The goal of Marriage Encounter is to improve husband/wife communication and thereby strengthen the marriage.
Marriage Encounters take place away from your house and away from your children. They usually require two nights away from home. The Marriage Encounter program is designed to give couples the opportunity to examine their life together, their strengths and weaknesses, and their attitudes. At each session a member of the Marriage Encounter team gives an informal talk on different aspects of marriage. Then, time is set aside for couples to discuss privately their relationship as it pertains to the topic presented. Couples DO NOT disclose their problems to anyone else. Reports of those who have attended Marriage Encounter indicate that their marriages improved and stayed good as long as they remembered to use the communication skills they learned.
As friend to friend, let me say this: if you have a marriage that
is not all that it could be, don’t be shy. Get help! Choose
to attend a Marriage Encounter, or get counseling, or read books,
or go to a different kind of marriage improvement seminar. In
other words, be willing to get outside help. A lot of times marriages
can not only get better, but can actually grow to be wonderful!
For that to happen though, most of us need to learn new skills.
Don’t be shy but decide today to do whatever it takes to
make your marriage all you dreamed it would be. You can
contact: raulsmanuel@yahoo.com
or wymanleung@pacific.net.ph
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by Ruth Reyes
| Have you ever gone all out for something, trusted God for something, and then suddenly found everything you hoped for shattered? How do you cope? |
In John’s Gospel we read about one of Jesus’ friends, Thomas. This guy didn’t want to believe the other disciples when they told him Jesus had really appeared to them after he was crucified. Thomas even said, “unless I see the holes in his hands and unless I feel his sides, I will not believe it is really him!”. Why did Thomas express such a strong sentiment of unbelief? Because Thomas was the type of disciple who went “all out” in following Christ. He had given up everything for Christ’s kingdom. He felt Jesus had betrayed his hopes when He died. Thomas was too hurt to believe again.
Have you ever gone all out for something, trusted God for something, and then suddenly found everything you hoped for shattered? How do you cope? Here are some things we can learn from Thomas’ experience:
• Don’t quit. Thomas kept on meeting with the other disciples. If he had stopped doing so, he wouldn’t have seen Jesus again. The thing is, don’t quit! Whatever you’re doing out of love for God, keep it up, even when you don’t feel anything.
• Be real. Thomas didn’t pretend as if he understood what was going on. If you’re finding it hard to trust anymore, be honest about it, it’s okay.
• Be ready. Thomas had his heart ready to meet Jesus. I am sure,deep inside, he was hoping Jesus really was alive. That is why his response was so memorable: My Lord and my God! It wasn’t just an expression of awe, but a response from a prepared heart. We’ve all heard Thomas called ‘the doubter’. We can’t blame him after what he’d been through. Jesus didn’t blame him either. Instead, He said, ‘you (Thomas) believe because you see me, but happy are those who believe even if they didn’t see.’ I’m sure this statement wasn’t meant for Thomas, but for us. When Jesus said this, He had you and me in mind.
Sometimes we can be so wrapped up in pain, it’s hard to
see, or feel anymore. That is what happened to Thomas. The Lord
helped Thomas to trust again. Take heart, He will help you too.
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