Every parent dreams that their child will become a responsible person. Although there’s no standard formula that can guarantee perfect results when it comes to raising children, here is what some expert parents I’ve talked to suggested.

L-ive it: Bryan Peters, professional photographer and father of two girls said that he’s trying his best to live out the values he wants his girls to emulate. “You have to show them everyday the right way of doing things without actually pushing them. You’ll be surprised how well this works! And, never forget to pray for them.”

O-ptimism: Be optimistic! Cecille Tupaz, mother of 3 boys, banks on portraying optimism to her kids. “Every time my boys feel insecure I share an optimistic viewpoint with them. We need to reassure our kids that they have great potential. Knowing this, they will become responsible for handling their problems themselves. Right now, I can see my children managing their fears well. I believe it’s because of the positive attitudes I’ve planted in them.”

V-alue: “One son is a little resistant to doing new things,” Tess Guttierez, ESL teacher and a mother of 3 boys shared. “So, every time he does something, even just a simple household chore, I always show how appreciative I am for the effort he made. I believe it pays to value our kids’ contributions at home, and teach them the best way to do things. In a short amount of time, this boy became responsible for the chores I assigned to him in the house.”

E-ncourage: Having only one daughter, Reggie Magracia explained that she pampered her daughter with encouragement coupled with action. “I left the province to join her here in Manila. I prepared everything she needed and I never failed to encourage her. Encouragement in words and by actions is a great tool to show the love we have for our kids. She grew up knowing that she had to wake up on time to eat the food I prepared, knowing that she had to take care of her clothes so I wouldn’t have a hard time washing. Now, she’s a nurse. I’m just very satisfied with how she turned out.

The love formula—teach your kids in a way that encourages them to become emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually responsible. Each child has a need to have somebody to follow. Someone who will choose to be positive even when things don’t seem to be right, who will value the things they do. Give each of your children a dose of the love formula everyday!

back to top

I was four years old then when I lost my grandfather. I remember people dressed in white surrounding a golden casket on the day of his funeral. Suddenly, men grabbed me, held me up and passed me across the casket. I was terrified. I thought any moment my Lolo would pull one of my legs. What a terrifying initiation in the name of tradition! It is a Catholic custom that on the day of the funeral, little children left behind by their loved ones, are lifted up and passed across the casket so that the soul of the departed won’t haunt them. For me, it was horrifying—- nightmares haunted me for years after that incident.

Death is real. It happens to everybody, young and old, rich and poor, and the strong and weak in health. But for a child, it may not seem real. Very young children ages 2-7 years old, may suppose the loved one who died has gone away for a while, but they will come back again. That’s what they usually remember, when their dad or mom leaves the house—they’ll be gone for a while, but they’ll soon come back. When someone dies, little kids will keep on asking what happened to their dead loved ones. They will wonder
when they’ll be back. Just tell them simply– “he was sick and his body couldn’t fight against it anymore so his heart
stopped beating. He is gone and will not return.” Some children think that death is like sleeping. But it is not so. Explain that though they may look like they’re sleeping, dead people don’t breathe; they become cold and stiff and the heart stops beating. Telling a child a dead person is asleep may make them fearful of ever going to sleep again themselves.

A little girl, Charity, was only three when her mom died. Charity said, “Mom wouldn’t wake up, she wouldn’t wake up.” The best thing to do is to be simple and personal with your response. Aside from mere words, the child also needs your presence. Cry with her, mourn with her. Reassure her that her mom loved her. Tell her that her mom’s love will always stay in her heart. Sometimes of course, you will just run out of answers to give these children. It is all right to say “I don’t know the answer.” Honesty and simplicity is far better than over loading the child with more information than their young mind can handle. Avoid words like “forever,” “eternity” and the like. Be careful in using words related to faith and belief. Always consider the age of the child when you explain things. If you feel inadequate in giving answers, seek help. Ask guidance from a pastor. Seek the services of a child psychologist.

Death is part of life. It is real. Don’t let the child experience grief, mourning, and acceptance of death alone. Be his guide and a loving presence in this time of loss.

back to top

Ellen Buccat- Cortez is no ordinary wife and mother. Her life’s journey is full of unusual events. Here is her story— the story of a terrible handicap — and how she has overcome it to have a fulfilling life

Ellen, wife of Pastor Eyriche Cortez is the mother of three boys. The youngest is autistic. Formerly, she worked as technical assistant to the president of a successful business enterprise. Ellen has had the success the corporate world offers— a well paying job, achievement awards, and a well- rounded life. But, underneath it all was her special challenge…

Ellen, you have only one hand. Tell us how this happened.
“I fell from a tree when I was in my second year of high school. I was
trying to pick a fruit for my younger brother. My left arm was stuck on a Vshaped trunk. As I tried to pull away, my arm was fractured. It bled heavily. When I fell to the ground, my wrist twisted 180 degrees. The doctor said my hand had to be amputated.
“Four years after my amputation, I was in college when I discovered I had a lump on the same arm. It wasn’t just an ordinary lump. My doctor said it could be malignant. The lump kept recurring and I had to undergo several surgeries. I was depressed, just like I was after my amputation. I began to wish I had died during my accident.”

How did your attitude turn around?
“During the amputation, my mother was always there for me. She was the source of my strength. When I was in the hospital, my mind was so troubled. My mom told me, “‘You are special.” I couldn’t understand what was so special about being in pain and minus one hand! She said, “Other girls do things with two hands, while you can do them with only one hand. That’s special.”

“Up to this day, her words linger in my heart and I smile when I remember them. Mom taught me how to be independent. I was treated
like a normal child at home. I was encouraged to learn to do normal things like household chores. I can even cut my own fingernails!

“Another turning point occurred at the time of the surgery for the lump on my arm. Again I felt helpless. I sought the help of faith healers but to no avail. I was getting nowhere so I challenged God. The passage in Ephesians 3:20, “By His mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope” (The New Living Bible) made me realize God is able to do more than we ask for. I became more hopeful and joyful.

“During the semester break, I joined a retreat organized by the U.P. Christian Communicators. I wondered why God even caused me to be alive. During one dinnertime at the retreat, I fainted. When I regained consciousness, all I saw was faces. The view looked as if I was seeing people from the inside of a casket. After that incident, my life turned around 360 degrees. My tumor left. I was not in pain anymore. I realized, somehow, God made me for a reason.”

You had a lot of courage going through these trials.
“I am so blessed to have had a very supportive mother. She saw the best in me. She used to tell me not to grieve over the things I couldn’t do, but encouraged me that someday I would be able to do them. I think the fact that she was a teacher equipped her to inspire and encourage me.“The hardest part of the whole thing was fear of leaving my family— if I really died during the lump surgery— and thinking that I might not be able to fulfill the dreams I had for my life. I was almost more concerned for others than myself. You see, my mother had a heart condition. I was really worried about her. I think God used this heart condition of hers, because my concern for her gave me the will power to live.

“When God knew I had the desire to cope with my circumstances, He blessed me. My husband sometimes forgets I only have one hand, because I move around like an ordinary person.

“One more thing that was difficult was, during the first months when I had a new baby boy, I couldn’t bathe him. It was hard to care for him). But little by little, with practice, I started to learn to do a few things. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. My eldest son Jed is now 17, while Jessey is 10, and Derek is 9.

“It is also challenging to be the mother of an autistic child. My youngest son doesn’t speak. He can’t express himself. Once, he hurt me accidentally. Even though it really hurt, I couldn’t be angry with him. Nothing is difficult when you love someone with whole hearted devotion.”

Have there been special people that have helped you in your life?
“I personally believe who you associate with determines how you live your life. People can bring you closer to God. You become the person you want to be when you associate with the right people.

“When I was younger, I spent time with my mom. Back in high school, my friends were on the honor roll. Christian Communicators were my friends during my U.P days. Now that I’m much older, my friends are from Shalem which is a group of pastors’ wives. I hope my children will also find good friends.

“I’m also thankful God allowed me to marry the right person. Although Eyriche is 10 years younger than me, he is 10 years older in maturity. He needed somebody who could talk with him and meet his needs. My energy level is high and so is his. We are a perfect fit.”

What advice can you give to people who are handicapped?
“It still matters who you are friends with, even if you’re handicapped. It also matters if you walk with the Lord. God will enable you to cope. I think coping is a result of love. I believe what is lost is lost. I remember what I have left, good health, one good hand for example, and then work with that. Above all, God is there. He is at work. We can do things because God is beside us.

“I know why God allowed my arm to be amputated. It was because he had a purpose—people ask about my handicap and I have been able to lead them to the Good News. I am a channel for those who are in need of hearing about Jesus Christ.
“Handicapped” is a state of mind. It would be worse to have two hands and not have a meaningful life. And most of all, where can you go without God?”

Salvation, her walk with God, and her family are the most important things in life to Ellen. She feels that the hardships of her life have made her more compassionate and loving. They have helped her to understand others more. She wanted to help people so she quit her profitable secular job to minister to women through WorldTeach Ministries seminar, “Women Who Make a Difference.” Ministering to women is her passion. Her other ministries include Shepherd Helpmates (GCF-CCBC), Conservative Baptist Association of the Philippines Women’s Commission, ISOT partners in ministry. She now sees her handicap as an asset and a blessing for which she gives full credit to God.

back to top

by Haidee Chu

Home made gifts are fun to create and they deliver a special message to recipients—you took time to make
something just for them! Here are some simple recipes for snacks and beauty products. Make them at home,
use colorful ribbons and fabrics to decorate jars and baskets, and…you have created special low-cost gifts!

Snacks

back to top

Food, photos, stories– these are the most common ingredients of family gatherings. How do you plan to mix these three ingredients at your family reunion this holiday season?

A different kind of story telling

Family gatherings are enhanced by the funny stories everyone has to share. The best stories are repeated again and again as guests arrive one at a time. To facilitate story telling why not make sharing time a part of your program? Ask each family to gather and think of the best thing or funniest things that happened in their nuclear family during the past year. Then ask them to tell the stories by drawing them on large sheets of cardboard paper (cartolina) or by enacting a tableau. In a tableau, family members will pose, without talking, to display the scenes in their story – like a live painting. One or two members of the family will explain the drawing or the tableau. You can make this into a contest!

Recipe exchange

Aside from enjoying the food each family has brought to share, why not gather the gifted cooks in the family and swap recipes? Have your cooks write down their recipes on special stationery and sign them with personal dedications. Then, distribute them and trade recipes with other family members.

Another fun activity is to have a food preparation contest. Pair up an adult with a kid or teenager (e.g. Tita-nephew, Lola-apo, Daddy-daughter) and have them prepare a Christmas dish or dessert that expresses how grateful they are for all the blessings of that year. Criteria for judging could include: taste, presentation, and significant meaning. The team getting the loudest clap from the audience wins.

Capture every moment and bring them home

Be sure to assign two or three family members to take photos of all that’s going on. If possible, collect all digital photos before the party ends and create CD or DVD copies of them. Place the photo CDs or DVDs in a special case with a Christmas motif and label it with the name, venue, and date of the gathering. Give each family a copy.

Another project that the family can work on as part of the activities is to make a photo collage. A collage is artwork made by pasting photographs, pictures, or poems together. Ask each family to bring copies of their favorite family photos. During the gathering, each family can make a small collage. Then, paste together all the separate collages to make a bigger family collage. The big family collage may be framed and hung in your grandparents’ house. Scanned copies of individual family’s collages may be printed out and distributed. Let each family write their prayer requests on the back of the print outs and paste these on your family calendars. With the family photo collage on the calendar, you can pray for one family each month of the year!

Holiday family gatherings can be meaningful and memorable even if they are just focused on these three ingredients – photos, food, and stories. The key is preparing activities with family bonding in mind and highlighting the reason for your celebration.

back to top

Since birth we have been spending money. If money is in our possession, are we a steward of the money or the owner of the money?

Money is a powerful tool, yet it has limitations too. Consider some of the things that money can and cannot buy. With money you could buy: a luxurious bed but not peace of mind; a gourmet meal but not your appetite; medicine but not your health.

Money in itself is good. But loving it too much or giving it too much emphasis is evil. After all, the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil. Let me share some principles of handling money which I learned from the Bible.

Wealth rots—so, do not hoard money. If you have to, spend every dime, otherwise, save every cent. This may seem to be a contrasting statement. Actually, it is not. If you need to spend a fortune in exchange for your health, do it. However, if you see sale items at the store, think twice. Chances are, once you purchase a sale item, it will become an additional piece of junk. On the other hand, if you have to give some of your money for a worthy cause, do so cheerfully. God loves a cheerful giver.

Learn to be content. The Bible says that whoever loves money will never have money enough. And as goods increase, so do those who consume them.

Learn to Budget. Proverbs speaks about the characteristics of a noble woman. She wakes up in the morning to provide for her children and her maidservants as well. Since our resources are limited and everyone has to be provided for, then some calculation should be done. Invest. In Proverbs, the noble woman invests her excess money. Then in a parable, the Lord rewards the servants who were able to make money entrusted to them increase. The Lord punished the one who buried the money and commented that he should have kept the money in the bank to earn interest.

Use the interest from your investment to make improvements. This was what the woman of noble character did. That was what kept her investments growing.

Invest wisely. Not all investments are good. To be successful, we should be prudent in choosing what we invest in. Do research and ask for advice.

Since money seems to be so indispensable, the sooner we learn how to handle it, the better. Attitude is important too. Will you be the owner or a steward?