How can a teenager forgive her father? She can, when God steps in?

It had been 36 years since I had last seen my father. When I was 12 years old, he left in the middle of the night and disappeared. No note. No phone call. Finally, my grandmother hired a private investigator who found him in Thailand.

As a young American woman, I had mixed feelings. I knew that life was less chaotic when he wasn't around. No police coming to the door. I didn't have to drag his drunken body inside the house after his "buddies" dropped him off at the curb. I wasn't forced to sit with him at his favorite bar. But, his leaving made me feel like I was not worth much. If I were, wouldn't he have stopped drinking for me? Wouldn't he have stayed in the U.S. and tried to be a father?

When he left, I was sent to live with distant relatives. I didn't have many options. I was an only child, as was my father. My mother was mentally ill and had no nearby relatives. And my grandmother was dying of cancer. Life with this new family was very different. I was Catholic. They were Pentecostals. I had been raised in a fairly liberal home. They were strict, stern and legalistic. It was not the home I had hoped for. But, through them, I started going to church and learned about forgiveness and compassion. I began leaning on Christ and seeking to be like him.

As months turned into years, sometimes a letter would arrive from my father, but they were never very personal and they were signed "Jerry," not Dad. Nonetheless, I kept every one. When I was 15, a Thai girl who was visiting the U.S. called and said that my father had taught her English and asked that she visit me. She told me how he loved me and cried when he talked about me. I thought to myself, "Well, if he really cared, why wouldn't he come here himself?" I was jealous of my friends who had kind, wise fathers who were always there for them.

Letters came less frequently as I got older. After I got married and had children, I wrote him to tell him I was a mother of twins. I was hoping he would send his only grandsons a gift or a card. But, nothing came. Each time our relationship failed, I felt abandoned and hurt - like that worthless12-year-old girl. But, then Christ would remind me that I was his daughter, and worth everything in the world.

One Sunday my pastor spoke about how our earthly fathers mold our view of our Heavenly Father. He challenged me to ask myself, "Do I pray to God, my father?" I realized I never did, because a father was not a good thing in my life. I prayed to Jesus, my friend and brother, and to God my Lord, but never to "my father." This was a groundbreaking concept for me. I prayed that night and said, "I wish I had a dad I could talk to...to get wisdom and advice about my career, my family, my struggles..." and I actually heard an audible voice say back to me, "You do. Start talking." That was when I knew without a doubt that God my father would always be there and never abandon me. I expressed all my disappointments to him, and asked God to be my "Dad." As time went on, I began to fully forgive my father. I realized that he was a broken man who simply had nothing positive to give. He didn't leave because I was worthless. He left because he felt worthless?

So, here I was, 36 years later, about to see him for the first time. God had blessed my husband and me with a trip to the Philippines, and I felt compelled to fly to Bangkok, in hopes of seeing my father. However, when we arrived at the airport, no one was there. Once again, I was disappointed. We took a cab to our hotel. When we arrived, the desk clerk told us "Tomorrow, your friends will be here." At last I would see him.

The next morning, I was in the elevator, going down to the lobby to see "Jerry," my dad. I didn't know what to expect. I asked God to bless this reunion, to help me be forgiving, to help it be positive. My heart was pounding like a huge drum. When I saw him, he didn't look like the father I remembered. He was old, thin and reminded me of my grandmother who had died years before. I folded my hands, and bowed in the traditional Thai greeting. Immediately, he opened his arms wide for a hug. It was a unique feeling for me. I had not been held by a father for 36 years. While I quietly cried, he patted my back to comfort me.

I can't tell you how moving it was - this feeling of being held by my father. But in all honesty, I really didn't think about Jerry, the person, hugging me. It was more of a feeling of being held by the "idea" of a father; and that translates so directly to my Heavenly Father. Being able to feel that protection and compassion, feeling the comforting pats on my back, was like a missing puzzle piece being put in place...and it completed a work that began long ago. Although it was my earthly father holding me, what I really felt was my Heavenly Father holding me, patting me, and saying, "you are so loved." If you have broken family relationships, I urge you to forgive and reach out. Life is too short. With Christ's help, you can do it.

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You were very young when you started volunteering for campus ministry.
"Yes. And that is what we teach our own youth- that they can used by God at a young age. That's what I learned, and that's what I try to tell others. You don't have to be 50 years old or 30 years old to be used by God. You can be used by God right now."I

What were you like as a teenager?
"Simple lang. I had a lot of friends, and played a lot of sports. I was varsity in basketball. So it was school? church? basketball, and family of course. I played basket ball all the time."

Did being the son of a famous actress affect the friendships that you developed?
"No, not really. I lived a normal life lang talaga. My mom always created an environment where we could be just normal kids. We worked in the house. She shielded us from any extra pressure."

Were you pressured to become a Christian because of your mom's faith?
"No. Parents shouldn't force their kids. If you force them, their faith won't be their own. And if your faith is something external - just because of a parent or a teacher - it won't last. What my mom did was to show me an example of what Christianity is. She showed me who Jesus is. Then after 3 yrs, without forcing me, kahit papano, I was able to see Him. So I took Christianity as my own personal faith. Not my mom's faith but my faith."

How did you come to know Christ? Was your mom the one who shared the Gospel with you?
"Partly, yes. What happened was, she brought me to church, and I saw her new life. I met other people in church, but I can say, my mom really was the catalyst for me to become a Christian.
"When my mom brought me to church, I met other Christians who built a relationship with me. It was a longer route for me. Not like a preaching in the streets where people go forward and accept the Lord. So, we became friends muna. Then, I saw their lives and how they were different from my friends at school, and my neighbors. I saw something different in their lives. Then, after we were friends, eventually they shared the Gospel with me.
"I cannot even say that it was just one person. I think my mom was number one, she was the catalyst. But, there were youth pastors, and campus ministers who shared the Gospel with me. There were peers in the same youth group here in VCF. So marami talaga, hitting from all angles and all sides."

Having a Christian community is a big factor. Do you feel that you had a lot of guidance as a teenager?
"Yes, my mom was really guiding me. Then church people helped me make decisions. From school to family life, in every area of my life, there were people to mentor me, counsel me, and to guide me.
"I'm very privileged to have a family like mine, although we're not really an ideal one. I come from a broken home. But it's still pretty good considering what my mom did. I have a great sister, and a great brother. We even have great yayas who are like family members. Then, I had a wonderful church community who helped me, corrected me, encouraged me, rebuked me, and prayed for me. So yes, I was pretty blessed.
"This is the key I guess for a teenager. It cannot just be one person. I heard this before: If you want your life to be like a small row boat, you can have just one anchor. Like one good mentor or one good guide. But if you want to be like the "Titanic," it cannot be just one anchor. It has to be multiple anchors, meaning, lots of people speaking into your life. That's what my life is all about, and that's what I want to say to young people, surround yourselves with good influences."

In spite of your family situation, it seems like you had an ideal environment growing up as a teen. Would you consider yourself shielded from the "real" world?
"No. I don't think I was shielded; I just had a great support group. The last thing you want to do is to put a bubble around a teenager and not let them be exposed to the world. That's not reality. They have to be exposed. The thing is that you have to "immunize" them, give them spiritual immunization. This means, kahit na ano pa itapon ng mundo sa kanila, they can go out there and do their thing. Make an impact. But not get infected by sin, the "pollution" and "sickness" of society."

Do you use your experience as a teen to help you in your youth ministry?
"A little, yes, mostly because of my mistakes. My ministry is influenced by my mistakes. I try to surround people with a good support group. I try to be accessible to them. One thing that we share is that Christianity is fun. It's not boring. So every time I speak, I try to make it interactive because God is not boring. Some teenagers think God is boring. They think Christianity is just a bunch of rules and old people. No, it's not like that! Christianity is fun, it gives life. Jesus came to give life to the fullest. I want them to see that Christianity is exciting. Yes it's hard, because following Jesus is hard at times. But it's fulfilling. It gives you joy, it gives you life."

Do you use your experience as a teen to help you in your youth ministry?
"A little, yes, mostly because of my mistakes. My ministry is influenced by my mistakes. I try to surround people with a good support group. I try to be accessible to them. One thing that we share is that Christianity is fun. It's not boring. So every time I speak, I try to make it interactive because God is not boring. Some teenagers think God is boring. They think Christianity is just a bunch of rules and old people. No, it's not like that! Christianity is fun, it gives life. Jesus came to give life to the fullest. I want them to see that Christianity is exciting. Yes it's hard, because following Jesus is hard at times. But it's fulfilling. It gives you joy, it gives you life."

Have you met difficult teenagers? How do you deal with them?
"Yes, definitely. We have so many different cases. But I really believe that God's word will make things happen. Some of them come around right away, some of them come around after a couple of years. Some of them come around when they're really old na. There are hard cases but that's where God comes in. I don't pressure myself. I do my job, I preach the Word, I counsel people, but ultimately it's their decision. I really believe that the seeds sown in their hearts will eventually bear fruit. Some come around fast and others don't. But eventually, one day, they will."

So you don't give up on them?
"I don't. I try to keep in touch. I try to connect. Kahit na ayaw nila, okay lang. I remain as their friend because we want to build relationships. It's about people and relationships."

If you were to talk to teens and their parents, what would be you're the most important thing you would tell them?
"Love Jesus. "All other things, like vices and fears, all of these things become minor issues compared to the issue of who possesses your heart. If you genuinely raise up a teenager who really loves Jesus, there will be no room for vice and issues like premarital sex. There will be no room for those things if you genuinely love Jesus." "Other people try to raise up teens with rules and regulations - don't have sex before marriage, don't drink, don't smoke - those are not the issues. The issue is, "Who possesses your heart? Do you love Jesus?" Because if you love Jesus, everything else will fall into place."

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Filipino Burger
½ kilo ground round (beef)
1 onion chopped
1 clove garlic chopped
1 egg
salt and pepper

Mix all ingredients thoroughly and fry until done to taste, or grill directly over charcoal. Place hamburger patty on warmed bun. You may garnish with sliced tomato, onion, lettuce, catsup, mustard and pickle.

Homemade French Fries
The best potatoes for French fries are the ones that are firm and white inside and have a rough skin texture. Wash and peel potatoes. Then cut into thin, straight strips. Soak for at least one hour in very cold water-you may add ice. Heat clean vegetable oil until very hot. Drain the potatoes carefully-if you leave drops of water on them, they could pop grease on you when you put them in the hot oil. Carefully fry the potatoes, one handful at a time, until they are brown. Remove them from the oil and drain on paper towel. Salt lightly while they are still hot. Serve warm.

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reprinted with permission from AMP It Up for Life, Inc.

When it comes to your habits, are your friends helping or hurting you? Teen smoking is influenced, and often caused by teen friendships. It is natural to have your friends and your habits connected. Whether eating, smoking, and drinking or walking, shopping, and playing sports, friends stick together.

If you and your friends are into regular exercise or eating healthy, the relationship is certainly beneficial to your health. But, if you and your friends enjoy bad habits together, something needs to change. Take the first step and talk about quitting with your friends. It is much easier to stay away from your habit if a good friend is quitting with you. If that doesn't work, you may need to avoid this friend for awhile.

Many of us have good friends with bad habits or addictions. We hate to see them suffer but we may wonder if it is really any of our business. Should we say anything? What about our own shortcomings?

Let me challenge you to rethink your position. A good friend shouldn't watch their friend suffer through dependency. Instead, take a risk and try to have a conversation about the issue. It may be difficult, so plan ahead. Think about what might motivate your friend to stop smoking and what might help them succeed. Be willing to be supportive and talk to them daily throughout the time of their recovery. If your friend succeeds, you will have a friend for life. If they don't succeed the first time, don't be afraid to help them try again.

Step 1: Get an old pair of jeans and cut off the legs just below the pockets.

Step 2: Find a piece of fabric to trim your bag with. Cut a strip that will fit around the bottom of your pants plus a seam allowance. Make this strip 8 inches wide. Now sew this cloth together so it forms a circle.

Step 3: Pin the circle of fabric to the bottom of the jeans with the right sides together.

Step 4: Stitch the fabric onto the jeans

Step 5: Now you have a band sown onto your jeans. Next, sew the fabric together to make the bottom of the bag.

Step 6: To corner off the bottom of the bag, stitch straight across the corner as shown in the photo. Do this to both sides.

Step 7: Cut two strips of fabric 4 inches by 20 inches. Pin each strip right sides together and stitch. Turn so that right side is out. Pin and stitch the handles to each side of your bag.

Step 8: Your bag is done!

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Sword Philippines and Asia Pacific Media Ministries team up to bring you the full-length feature evangelistic film for youth and young adults, "REBOUND, Kwento Ng Isang Naniwala...at Nagtagumpay," a story of hope and redemption.

Endeavoring to address the pressing problems of today's youth, "Rebound" deals with feelings of selfworth, the complexities of parent-child relationships, peer pressure, drugs, pre-marital sex and the toll they take on young lives. Far from being a negative paean to these problems, however, "Rebound" provides possible solutions and positive alternatives.

Noel is a small town basketball hotshot who goes to the big city to make a name for himself. but superstardom goes to his head and the pressure drives him to drugs. Noel is arrested and serves time in jail where he eventually finds God - and himself. After six years, Noel returns home - repentant, reformed and eager make amends with those he has hurt, primarily his disillusioned and hopeless father and his girlfriend, Donna whom he has abandoned in her time of great need. There he meets a group of aspiring but undisciplined basketball players led by the current town hotshot, Rey. Noel sees himself in this group and is convinced that they do not have to go through the same mistakes he committed.

Meant not only to be an effective evangelistic tool but also a first class cinematic experience, Sword and A. P. Media have taken pains to employ the best suited actors and production people for this production. "Rebound" stars two newbies to the film industry - Jam Capistrano, singer-composer and former member of the "Wise Guys," and Gabriel Valenciano, better known as a song and dance man like his vaunted parent. They are supported by film and theatre veterans Mayen Bustamante-Cadd, Danny Magisa, Archi Adamos, Jun Ofrasio, Joshua Deocareza, Khalil Kaimo, Chevy Mercado, Kevin Concepcion and Bryan Jimenez plus a score of basketball players and literally hundreds of extras.

"Rebound" is directed by Steve Cadd from the screenplay of Jaime del Mundo. Musical scored by Jeff Arcilla and the movie's theme song composed and sang by its star, Jam Capistrano.