by Peter Banzon, Hope for You radio broadcast

Pastor Peter Banzon

Q: How can I be a good parent?

Good parents raise kids purposefully. Good Intentions and wishful thinking are not enough. If I expect to have good memories with my children, then I must make good memories. If I want them proficient in running a home or holding a job, I must teach them, not just tell them to perform those duties via a “to do” list.

Good parents raise balanced children. Raising balanced children is more complicated than simply applying formulas. Nor is it adding or subtracting habits. If we teach by enforcing rules without giving the "whys," we create robots, able to recite on command but not able to think or act on their own. Yet if we let them make up their own rules, we haven't given them the benefit of our experiences.

Good parents lead by example. As parents, our actions are open to scrutiny and must be defensible. For example, when the phone rings, do you frantically signal your teenager to say you're not home? What message does that send? "It's okay to bend the truth when truth isn't convenient"? Children need to see you having your quiet time. Share devotions and prayer as a family, discuss Scripture openly. Let them see you making decisions based on morality and God.

Good parents communicate. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 talks about teaching the laws of God to children. Moses implores parents to impress God's commandments on their children. And he tells parents when to do it: "sitting at home . . . walking along the road . . . when you lie down . . . when you get up." We are to press His Word into our children with a gentle but firm hand daily, hourly—by relating and communicating with them at various levels and situations.

Find out how your child communicates best. Maybe she needs to have her hands busy to avoid eye contact. Pull out weeds in the garden or bake cookies. Does he respond to physical contact? Hold his hand or play basketball. Does she like to give and receive notes? Hide a note under her pillow. Talk when it's non-threatening, such as in the car or over lunch. Talk about nonsense, sports, school, dreams and fears, allowing your example and experience to weave throughout. The idea is to talk, connect and care!
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by Ophelia Tongco

When your husband leaves you for another woman, when you have no job experience, how are you supposed to take care of your kids?

Mommy Ofelia, from Cagayan de Oro, can tell you what it is like to be forced to hope in God’s unfailing love.

At 66 she seems to have it all together – a thriving business, a beautiful home, two daughters who have finished college and now have their own respective lives. By all indication, her life is what everyone her age dreams of – prosperity that insures she lacks nothing materially.

But, twenty-five years ago the outlook was not so good for this grandmother of 2. In fact, she was a despondent woman - poor, lost and not sure how to feed her then growing daughters. Her husband of 13 years left her for another woman.

More than the pain of rejection, Mommy Ofelia dealt with the reality of having to single-handedly feed and bring up her daughters. All her married life she was a simple housewife. She felt helpless, having never done a day’s work outside her home. Neither did she have skills necessary to earn a living now that she was father and mother to her daughters.

Her heartache and helplessness led her right into the arms of Jesus. Through a Christian worker who befriended her and shared the gospel with her, she found the hope she desperately was seeking in the love of Jesus. This was the first miracle in her life: she looked to Jesus to provide for herself and her two girls.

Her second miracle came one day after her daily prayer. She heard a voice, telling her to go to the market where she would meet two men who would help her. True enough, in the market, she met two men who offered to help her sell beef. With 800 pesos in her wallet, she started a business. The business flourished providing not only for Mommy Ofelia’s and her daughters’ needs, but those of her workers, as well.

Beyond the material blessings, Mommy Ofelia experienced the blessing God reserves for those who love and obey Him. She has become a prayerful woman, never missing her daily appointment with the Lord. She generously gives to God’s work, and above all, God has given her the grace to forgive her husband. back to top

by Nelson Dy, Author of 'Finding Comfort'

Fedi Roa, Mom Christine, and author Nelson Dy

In 1994, Federico and Christine Roa became the parents of a long-prayed-for baby boy. They named him Federic Christian, or Fedi for short. The entire family adored and pampered him; his room was so filled with toys that it looked more like a department store than a nursery.

The News That Shook Her Life
Christine regularly took Fedi to the pediatrician for check ups and immunizations. When Fedi was two, the pediatrician noted he was not speaking at the level expected from children of his age. Christine did her own research and saw other disturbing behaviors: Fedi could not make eye contact with anyone when they talked to him; he preferred staying in a corner alone to mingling with other children; he did not know how to play with simple toys. On the doctor’s recommendation, Christine brought Fedi to a developmental specialist. After a series of tests and observations, the specialist diagnosed Fedi with autism.

Early Struggles
Christine remembers, “We were quite ambitious for our firstborn; this diagnosis completely shattered our dreams.”
Christine also asked God, “Why me?” After earnestly trying to be a good person, she could not understand why such a tragedy had happened to her. What finally jolted Christine from grief to action was the dreadful vision of Fedi being locked in some institution, with no one taking care of him. “When I got that mental picture, I immediately accepted my situation. I knew that we had to do something about it. I decided that we were going to be a family and we would go through this together.”

“The most difficult part during the early days was in not knowing about autism,” Christine said. An important lesson she learned was that each case is different and there is no single, sure formula to deal with all cases. Books on autism were rare and expensive, so Christine would sit at the bookstores and read. She sought out other mothers with special children and exchanged information. She searched the Internet and downloaded articles on autism.

“The first advice I give to moms with special children,” Christine said, “is to get as much information as you can, before you see a doctor. You know your child best, so you are in the best position to know what your child is capable of. If a doctor says something you are uncomfortable with, based on what you know, look for a second opinion. Don’t stop asking questions if you’re not satisfied.”

Radical Decisions
The first advice of Fedi’s doctor was to put him in intensive, home-based therapy. At this time, Christine was at the height of her career holding a high-pressure job in a prestigious advertising firm. At first, she thought she could balance career and family. But, Christine noticed that her son progressed more when he was with her. She decided to quit work and focus on being a full-time mom, knowing this choice would also lessen the income which helped pay for Fedi’s developmental therapy.

Fedi made progress in intensive therapy, so Christine’s doctor advised her to put him in a special school to learn the skills he would need to attend regular school someday. Christine agreed to try this for a year, but she noticed that the special school mixed students together, regardless of mental problems and age. Such an environment made it possible for Fedi to copy negative behavior from his fellow students. Christine decided to transfer him.

Christine scouted different schools and found that most schools did not accept special children. So, Christine made her next bold move. If she could not find a school for Fedi, she would start one on her own! She took courses in education, attended comprehensive classes in special education, and trained in hands-on therapy. Finally Christine founded South Kids International School, in Multinational Village in Paranaque. There, Fedi became one of her first students. He now studies side-by-side with kids his own age.

Is Fedi learning normally?
Fedi’s skills in memory, visual/abstract reasoning, and arithmetic are presently on par with regular children of his age. His spelling ability exceeds his current level of Grade 4. He has received several spelling awards. Fedi’s only delay is in language, a common problem for children with autism.

To celebrate Fedi’s tenth birthday, Christine wrote a book entitled, Federic’s Flight: The Triumphant Travels of a Child with Autism. She wants to help other parents in similar situations and even inspire those with regular children. The book not only chronicles her family’s journey, but also contains information about autism and where to get help. (It is now available at PowerBooks, National Book Store and Goodwill Book Store.)

Where does God figure out in all of this?
“He was always with me,” Christine said, “I always felt his presence. For every struggle, there was a solution. He never let me down. Despite my struggles, I always found a way around them. My ‘why me?’ was short-lived. I did not wallow in my pain for a long time, because I got my answers immediately.”

What qualities do moms of special children need most?
• “You must be very patient. The last thing I want to do is to show my child that I am upset or disappointed. Of course I have such moments. But when that happens, I try to isolate myself and reflect.”
• Don’t wallow in guilt. “It’s nobody’s fault,” Christine said, “it happened already. So acceptance is key. There’s no point in blaming yourself. But you should take action and do something about it. That was the first step for me. As soon as I accepted it, everything fell into place.” It also helps a great deal to have a supportive husband and family. Aside from the family, groups such as the Autism Society of the Philippines are a wonderful source of encouragement.
• “Be realistic. Do not expect too much from your child. Do not compare his accomplishment with anyone. Acknowledge what he excels at, no matter how small it is. Always reward him for the effort. Never stop loving your child. Don’t be afraid to try new things to help him.”
• Positive-negative reinforcement has worked best for Fedi. When Fedi has done a task well, Christine praises and rewards him with time to watch TV, play a video game or feast on his favorite food. If Fedi disobeys or doesn’t perform his task, such privileges are withheld. She cautions, “It is important that the tasks be within the limits of his capacity.” She adds, “Special children can be very disciplined. Fedi is honest, obedient, helpful and prayerful.” Special children are gifted with an innocence that makes them love their parents.
Christine’s experiences have taught her to enjoy the simple pleasures of life: to keep hope alive and never lose faith; to love her children unconditionally.

What is Autism? Autism is a disability that affects people in the areas of social interaction and communication. This disorder affects each person differently. Many children with autism may make eye contact, show affection, smile, laugh and demonstrate emotions. Two children with the same diagnosis can act differently from one another and have varied skill levels. Many professionals are still unsure how they can effectively work with autistic people, but it is important to realize children with autism can learn and function productively and progress with appropriate education and treatment. Children with autism may exhibit some of the following traits: resists change; difficulty in using words or conversing; laughing or crying for no apparent reason; prefers to be alone; temper tantrums; may not want to be cuddled; little eye contact; inappropriate attachment to objects; over or under sensitivity to pain; no real fears of danger; physical over or under activity; unresponsive to verbal clues. Autism Society of America: www.autism-society.org

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Dra. Edeline Sun

Most mothers consider breastfeeding a part of bonding with their baby. It is a way of nurturing a new life.

Lactating mothers should take some precautions to beat breast feeding discomfort says Dra. Edeline Sun, pediatrician from Chinese General Hospital in Manila.

Get breast feeding bras. The local market today offers a variety of styles to choose from. It is preferable to use a bra that is not too tight around the chest and that feels comfortable even when weaning the baby.

Observe personal hygiene. Cleaning the nipple before and after breast feeding with mild soap and water helps nursing mothers avoid breast infection and promotes the baby's health. Most of the time some milk residue is left around the nipple area.

Treat breast infections. Redness occurring around the fleshy part of the breast is an indication that a nursing mother may have mastitis. This should be treated by antibiotic, and should get doctor's attention.

Hold the baby correctly. The baby should always be comfortable in your arms when feeding. Because humans have natural insulation, baby gets the feeling of warmth and comfort inside the mother's arms. This simulates the environment inside the mother's womb. Make sure you are not embracing the baby too tightly or too loosely. If the baby is catching on the very end of the nipple, the baby's teeth will hurt the tender skin of the breast.

Breast feeding pumps. Breast pumps are especially helpful to working moms. It is best to store the milk inside the refrigerator for only about six hours. After this, you need to discard it as the baby might get stomach upset (LBM) if you feed him with this milk.

Practice good nutrition A healthy balanced diet for the nursing mother helps fill the baby's nutritional needs. It is good for nursing moms to cut back on caffeine consumption such as coffee, tea, cola and chocolate. These are most likely causes of breast discomfort. Avoiding salt can help minimize fluid retention. back to top

by Jeanette Yu

With the economic crisis looming over our country, learning to get the most out of the money we have is vital. Here are some practical tips on how to power up your peso! Learn to be content.
Do you secretly think, "if only I had what my friends all have, I would be happy?" How often have we all found out that after we get what we thought we wanted, we crave something else? Instead of complaining, count your blessings. Compare yourself to those who are less fortunate - those who can't even have 3 meals a day!

Learn to budget your money.
Set aside specific amounts for food, transportation, clothes. Set aside a sum that you'd like to tithe as well. Try to save something every week.

Don't always buy unnecessary things.
Distinguish needs from wants.

Avoid impulse buying.
Try the 45-day principle. Wait 45 days & see if you still want to buy the product. Chances are, there is something new on the market that you'd like to own.

Canvass first.
Before deciding where to buy something, check prices to get the best bargain.

Use it again.
Don't throw away things that can be recycled.

Be economical.
Why ride a jeep when you can walk? Bring baon or eat at home as much as possible. Buy clothes at Tutuban instead of choosing brand names.

Although most of us would prefer not to budget so much, there is a side benefit to being careful with your money: when you have enough, you can share with those who do not. So, power up your peso and learn to save and share! back to top

Reprinted by permission. Moments for Mothers. Copyright © 2001 by ICI Ministries, Inc.

photo by Johnson Li

It is fun to give things to our children and it is important to choose the best gifts. The best gifts are not always material ones.

When I was small, there was a rule in our house. I was never supposed to ask for anything when we went to the market or mall. I was never supposed to ask my grandparents, relatives, or the friends we visited to give me anything. I was not supposed to beg my mom for toys or new clothes. Not ever.

If I did not ask, sometimes I got what I wanted. If I asked, I definitely did not get it.

My childhood may have been too extreme in this area, but it did teach me some things. I learned not to beg for things from adults. I learned money was hard to come by and shouldn't be wasted. I learned I could not have everything I wanted. I learned to work at a very early age.

In the end, which was the better gift for me as an adult now-a new Barbie doll, or this knowledge? Next time your son or daughter asks you for something, pause and think. If they are small and need new shoes or school supplies, give them what they need. If they are older, ask yourself what they need more, the things they are asking for, or knowledge about self-control and earning money themselves?

Sometimes you need to give. Other times your children need to learn self-control. At some point, they need to learn how to work for what they want.

Saying "no" instead of "yes" could be a better gift. back to top