by Peter Banzon, Hope for You radio broadcast

Pastor Peter Banzon

Q: My husband is a moderate drinker, but during the holidays, especially at parties, he drinks too much. He becomes verbally abusive to me and the children. It is very embarrassing. I also worry that our sons will grow up to do this as well…

A: As a former “moderate” drinker, I have discovered that moderate drinking is hard to define. It means different things to different people. Some people think moderate drinking is drinking that does not generally cause problems, either for the drinker or for others. But facts show otherwise.

You mentioned that your husband becomes verbally abusive to you and your children when he is drinking. Studies show that drinking alcohol can cause even the calmest people to be violent and out of control. The Bible says “Wine is a mocker and beer is a brawler; whoever is led astray by it is not wise.” (Proverbs 20:1) It also says, “Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine.” (Proverbs 23:29-30).

In a few cases, a person can be more fun-loving, easy-going and enjoyable when “under the influence,” but many persons are transformed into violent, uncontrolled versions of themselves. Research by the University of Georgia shows that so called moderate drinking has negative effects on a person’s health and well being:

• Moderate drinking increases the risk of strokes caused by bleeding.

• Alcohol may interact harmfully with more than 100 medications.

• Recovering alcoholics, as well as people whose families have alcohol problems, may not be able to maintain moderate drinking habits. Once a person progresses from moderate to heavy drinking, the risks of social problems (violence, trauma) and medical problems (liver disease, pancreatitis, brain damage, reproductive failure, cancer) increase greatly.

Knowing all this, what should you do? You must share your concern with your husband about the impact his drinking is having on himself and his family.

Often it is difficult for “moderate drinkers” to accept that they have a drinking problem, so ask God to give you courage to lovingly confront him. Talk to him when he is sober. You may need a close family member or friend to be present. Remember:

• Not to nag, complain, cry, beg, embarrass, or label your husband.

• It is not within his power to overcome it alone.

• To see if he is willing to seek professional help from a counselor or a pastor who works in the field of addictions or substance abuse.

• Not to make excuses for his behavior to the children, or try to defend his actions. Instead, explain to the children that the inappropriate behavior of their father relates to alcohol consumption.

• To make sure the children understand their father did not think that his drinking would hurt them, but now it is very hard for him to stop without help from others. Encourage the children to pray that their father will be free from desire for alcohol.

• More than ever, your husband needs love and compassion from his family.

• There are times when your husband is drinking that it is best for the children to go out of the room or the house so that they are spared possible verbal abuse.

Finally, remember God’s promise that “perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18). Drinking problems cause people to be timid , fearful, and despairing. Don’t give into the fear when you confront it. Remember God is able to work even in the most negative and difficult circumstances. He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)
back to top

by Michelle Ocampo-Joaquin

Christmases. I want to make sure that she doesn’t lose sight of Jesus… amid the gifts, wrapping paper, shopping, feasts, and reunions.

My first two attempts as a mother at a “Christ-centered” tradition were quite a challenge, since it was hard to get my one-year old (and then two-year old) to even sit through the Christmas story on Christmas Eve! But, now that she is a malleable four-year-old, with the curiosity of a sponge, I want to make the most of this Christmas season.

I asked my friends, who are also mothers, about the ways they celebrate Jesus, Immanuel – “God with us.” One of them referred me to a website, www.familylife.com, where I found some helpful ideas in their article “Christmas—How to Make Your Holidays Holy Days” by the FamilyLife staff. Maybe you too will enjoy some of these ideas:

“Happy Birthday, Jesus!” Countdown
A common practice among my “mom-friends” is reading portions of the Christmas story to their family from December 1st up to Christmas Eve, and culminating with a birthday party for Jesus, complete with cake and other trimmings. There are several versions of this tradition:

• My friend Ning reads portions of the Christmas story with her family during their daily devotional reading from the Bible.

• Gigi uses an Advent Calendar — 24 tiny storybooks which tell the Christmas story. After each reading, her kids hang the storybook on the tree.

• Though not commonly practiced in the Philippines, some homes in America do these readings while lighting candles on an Advent wreath – one candle for every Sunday until Christmas.

• On the night before Christmas, especially for bigger families, it is memorable to reenact the Christmas story with different family members acting out parts of the story.

• Some families make a symbolic birthday cake, using the colors on the cake to tell of God’s salvation through Jesus.

• Another idea is to give gifts to the celebrant, Jesus. Each family member writes what he would like to give Jesus on a card and puts into a Christmas stocking or a makeshift manger. Gifts could include: heart commitments, promises to Jesus for the coming year, devotion time, a good deed, a commitment to win souls or just to being good!

“Adopting” a Family
To direct her daughter’s attention to giving more than receiving, my friend Jolee drives around the city with her husband and daughter a few months before Christmas. They identify one street family to bless on Christmas. Jolee has her daughter set aside savings from her allowance, and when Christmas nears, they buy groceries for this family. They also gather clothing and bedding and other items that the family can use. On Christmas Eve, Jolee and her family visit the street family and give them these gifts.

Cherry Tolleson of the FamilyLife staff has another version of this practice. At Christmastime, when her children were young, her family gathered food, clothes, candy and toys for a family in their church that had suffered some kind of loss – perhaps the father had lost his job. They put the gifts on the family’s doorstep, rang the doorbell and hid. Her kids enjoyed seeing the look on the family’s faces when they received the gifts. The family never knew who it was that gave the blessing. She says that, because of this tradition, her now grown-up children understand what God’s Word means…to “find our life by losing it.”

Family Circle
I had a firsthand experience of this tradition when I visited a friend’s family at Christmastime a few years back. My friend’s family (parents, siblings and their families) gathered around in a big room and began by singing songs of worship to Jesus. After a short devotion, each one thanked God for one prayer He had answered during the year. It was meaningful for me, because it made me see how God had been with us throughout the year. After thanking God, we shared what we wanted to pray for in the coming year.

In all these things, the desire of these godly men and women has been to highlight to their own families, as well as to others, that the coming of Jesus — Immanuel, “God with Us” – was not just a historical fact to be commemorated, but a reality we experience and enjoy in our lives today — every single day! May your Christmas traditions declare what Jesus meant when He said, “I came that they might have life, and might have it more abundantly.” (John. 10:10) back to top

Whether your holiday party is for adults or children, it is crucial to plan it well! A well-planned party makes the guests feel welcome, and makes the host and hostess more ready to entertain (vs. wearing the harassed expression many people wear when having parties at their home). Here are some tips on how to plan an enjoyable holiday party:

1. Plan ahead.
Ideally, plan at least one month before the event, although in emergencies, the following can be done a week ahead.

2. Know the purpose of the party.
Is it a birthday; is it a going-away party, or a simple get-together? Use a theme. Themes are not just for children. For instance, you can have a Hawaiian party, a Black and White party (or any color party for that matter) and have the guests come in that color, or dressed for that theme. Having a theme will make it easier for you to plan your menu, decorations, and anything associated with the party. For example, for a black and white party, you can have chocolate cake as a dessert with vanilla ice cream. People think that having a theme makes a party more expensive, but in my experience, having a theme has actually made budgeting easier.

3. Plan your budget and guests.
These two go hand in hand because the number of guests will determine your budget, and vice versa. It is best to list your guests on a piece of paper, noting the number of adults and children.

4. Figure out your menu.
Keep the food within your budget as well as considering the likes and dislikes of your guests (if you have vegetarian friends, make sure they’ll have something to eat).

•Try not to duplicate food groups, or styles of cooking, like having both spaghetti and pancit (both noodles, both starches), or having both fried chicken and fried pork chops.

•Try to have contrasting textures (soft, crunchy, sweet, and spicy).

•You do not have to have 12 dishes! You can have soup, a vegetable dish, two to three viands (e.g. one soft dish, like menudo, one crunchy dish, like fried chicken) and dessert.

•Try to incorporate the theme into your food as well. For a swimming party for example, you can have blue gelatin with cream.

5. Prepare as much food as you can the day before.
If you are cooking and there are some items on your menu that you can make the day ahead (like marinating the barbecue, making the fruit salad), do it. You want to be as relaxed on the day itself as possible.

6. Plan your program.
Having a program is optional, but if you do want a program, keep in mind that it should not be too long. Many of your guests may be busy people so you need to respect the time they took to come to this occasion. If the guests arrive late, you may want to start just a portion of your program and allow the guests to eat, and continue the program after eating. This is much better than starving the other guests and have them thinking about food the entire time you’re having your program. If there are to be speeches, keep them short. Remember that if you are to let everyone speak (this is popular in some parties, mostly impromptu), multiply the number of speakers by approximately 3-5 minutes (up to 10 minutes for some speakers) and you will have some idea of how much time it will take. It is best to speak to selected guests before the event, and to give them a time limit.

7. Send your invitations at least two weeks before the event.
In our present day techno-world, sometimes a well-phrased text message can also serve as an invitation if the event is not too formal and is between good friends. In this case, you may need to remind people again a few days before the party. A good invitation should have the occasion, date, day, time, theme, making sure to ask the guests to inform you (RSVP) if they cannot come. back to top

by Haidee Chu

Emma Yuhico has played many roles in her life. She is a former actress – you may have seen her on the 700 Club—now, she is a financial planner and certified investment solicitor. Her most important role is that of a “mom.” In this interview, Emma shares intimate details concerning her life as a single mother, her spiritual journey, and her excitement about the future.

You were well known in the late ‘70s and ‘80s. Tell us about your life as an actress.
I did a television soap opera Flor de Luna. I also worked with Christopher de Leon in Kapag Napagod Ang Puso and did a film with Erap where I acted as an extra. I couldn’t concentrate full time on the screen, because I was also working at the Hyatt Hotel as a Public Relations Officer. I lived a very hectic and a very “showbiz life” based on popularity, partying and being in the lime light. I had fans. It was far different from my life today. I went through a lot of difficulties during those showbiz days. When the camera and the lights were turned off, I felt depressed, empty and alone. I was a totally different person when I was in front of the camera, because I was playing a role. But when the lights went off, then the real me came out. I love my life more right now than before. If I had met the Lord earlier, then I guess that part of my life could have been better.

You seem so happy now. When did your life change?
I came to know the Lord personally in February of 1987. The Lord was my Valentine. My family had been trying to get me to go to worship with them but I refused. One day I finally attended a Bible study and I heard the verse, Revelation 21:8 “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters, and all the liars- their place will be in the fiery, lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” And that was it! This verse hit me right away. I used to joke a lot about hell. I used to say I don’t want to go to heaven because my friends won’t be there. Later, I realized it was a bad joke.

You aren’t acting anymore. What is your profession now?
I am now working as a financial planner. It is a career that I am very happy with because I teach people financial stewardship. I make sure that they use their money wisely. Basically, you just have to prepare things before hand and plan. I think you can always go to God before planning or deciding on a situation. People don’t plan to fail, they just fail to plan.

Does your faith influence your work and ethics?
Since I am dealing with other people’s money, I need to earn their trust and I should be transparent. I practice Christian values with my clients so that they will trust me. I think my Christian values help me a lot in this business. I normally don’t accept clients who refuse to pay their obligation to the government. I have to be firm in what I believe. My son, Joel, also helps me in this business.

Emma and son, Joel

You have a son. What about his father?
I was an unwed mother. I could not marry the father of my son because he was divorced. We sought advice from a priest. I knew that under our law, he and I couldn’t get married because it was illegal. But even under the law of God, it was still not possible for me because he was divorced. That was very basic in my heart at that time. I never really regret being single for the rest of my life because I know there are still so many things to do for Christ.

What are the challenges you face as a single mom?
My son Joel is 26 now. When he was growing up, it was fun. Being a single parent, I didn’t always have time to take him out because I worked a lot, but I would take the chance whenever I had spare time. It was different when he became a teenager. Joel had his own ideas, and was looking for his own identity. Those were turbulent times for both of us because there were certain issues I couldn’t discuss as a mother. Some of his questions he needed a father to answer. Yet, by the grace of God, Joel has turned into a very decent gentleman! Another difficult challenge was when our house burned down in 1998. The only memorabilia I had saved for Joel was lost: his baby book, his first haircut, the first print ad he had appeared in for the Hyatt, and two cute baby pictures. The fire was really terrible, but yet we are both still alive!

Was it hard to create a family for your son without a father?
I belong to a big family with very nice parents and a crazy bunch of siblings. They became Joel’s extended family. Until the Lord took my father when Joel was 11, my father acted as his dad. Joel received a lot of loving from my family.

Were you ever afraid?
It touches my heart when I think that I was able to provide for Joel even though we had tough times. I used to tell him, “I can always provide you what you need, what you want, you have to save for.” He was always appreciative and understood the situation. I praise God for being a good and wonderful Provider during the time when our house was burned.

How do you keep good communication going with your son?
We’ve learned to write to each other whenever we have fights. It creates commotion between us when we can’t seem to get each other’s point. So we decided that simply writing how we feel would be better. Writing also helps us keep in touch when I travel. During his teenage years, I would take Joel to school and we would pray together in the car everyday. I enjoyed it. Joel is one very straight forward guy. He tells me if I am being self righteous, or if I am not being a good mom. He is one of those people I like to talk to because I appreciate his comments, especially about my parenting. Joel is also very good at apologizing. The principles in the Bible about relationships are what taught us how to deal with each other.

Do you have some family traditions that are part of your holiday celebration?
We celebrate Christmas together with my family. We used to celebrate Christmas with Noche Buena and midnight singing, but now, all my sisters are married, so we get together during Christmas lunch. My mom and my sisters plan the whole menu and I bake the dessert. The party starts around 3 in the afternoon until late. We put the gifts together around the Christmas tree and the kids go around and pick theirs up. It is a crazy time with all those wrappers around the house! We also prepare some program—singing, playing games and we take a lot of pictures in remembrance of every Christmas. We are always reminded why we celebrate Christmas. The true essence of what it should be. Normally, we read the Bible and pray together.

What is the most special Christmas you ever had?
One year when Joel was a teenager we gave each other a book on the same topic, pertaining to our roles. At that time we were in a period of adjustment, me as a mom and he as a teenager. It was really funny that we chose the same gift, and I was touched by his gesture. Another exciting holiday was Christmas 2000 when we bought a second hand car. My son and I both knew that we couldn’t afford one, but it was actually an answered prayer. We both were very surprised that we didn’t need to borrow money.

How do you view the future?
I view my life as very exciting. I am now in second half of my life. I will be 50 this coming September. It is exciting because I finished the first half of the century, and I have another one coming; there is so much to live for and to do for Christ. I don’t know what God will bring me next, but for now I know I need to excel in what I am doing, teaching people to have better life and be good financial stewards. I also look forward to my son’s having a family of his own. Going into another stage of parenting with grandchildren and getting along with his future in-laws will be a great adventure. I am not afraid of the future because I know God is always there and all things are part of God’s plan even the most unusual setbacks. I thank God that He allowed me to live long enough to see my son grow up.

What keeps you going?
I attend Bible study regularly and also go to Bible study fellowship every week. I believe in the power of prayer. I attend Christ Commission Fellowship in Alabang.

What legacy do you want to leave your son?
I’d like to be remembered as somebody who loved the Lord very much and was committed to Him until the end. The legacy I want to leave behind is for my son to have an intimate and personal relationship with the Lord. To me, that is the meaning of everything, a life for the Lord Jesus Christ. back to top

One of the side effects of the holidays is that there is too much good food out there! Too much food results in too much of you and can cause unwanted weight gain, discomfort, and health problems. Even during the holidays it is good to be disciplined in what and how much you eat. Here are some tips to prevent overeating:

1. Chew your food well. Take at least 20 minutes to finish a meal. By making your meal last longer, you feel like you are eating more food. It is also more fun to eat with friends and enjoy conversation!

2. Eat sitting down. Eating while standing up will cause the food to go directly into your digestive system, making you consume more food.

3. Use a smaller plate when eating. Remind yourself that “second round” eating is not an option.

4. Drink a glass of water before eating. It will fill your stomach and make you feel less hungry.

5. When you crave a snack, wait 10 minutes before having it. Prolonging your hunger might make you realize that you’re not hungry after all.

6. Stock your refrigerator with healthy food. Have fruits and vegetables readily available for snacks.

7. Begin your day with a good protein breakfast. Protein takes longer to digest, and will help you feel full longer during the day.

8. Working out, or exercising is always good. Your work out will release endorphins that will help you be more alert. Walking is a good work out. Malls are wonderful places to walk, if you don’t get side tracked by all the fast food!

9. Fasting every once in a while doesn’t hurt either. Spending time with God changes our focus from ourselves to God, enabling us to think of pleasing God rather than ourselves. Just remember to drink water when you fast to avoid dehydration.

You can take control of what you eat and be healthy. All it takes is your dedication and commitment. Just remember to eat the right food at the right time. back to top

by Jeanne Ching

As a child, I remember once engaging in a casual discussion with my grandfather and aunts. I complained about the limited amount of my allowance. My aunt replied that her allowance had been only one-tenth of what I received. My grandpa interrupted to say that his was even less! They both agreed they had “managed” and I should be able to “manage” too. The discussion went on and on, but I finally gained some insights in handling finances that I still rely on as an adult:

• Spend within your means. Do not buy things if you can’t afford to pay for them. Have you ever seen a wealthy man who earns a lot, yet is always in dire need of money? It is because he spends more than what he can afford.

• If you really want something, then save enough to buy it. Don’t buy unless you have the means to pay. Someone once tried to purchase a luxury item on credit thinking that he’d be able to handle the monthly amortization payments. But something unforeseen happened along the way. Not only was he unable to handle the payments, but his possessions were confiscated as well.

• Remember, every centavo counts. Do not belittle the change you have in your pockets. My sister used to set aside all the five peso coins she got as change. After a while, when she decided to deposit the coins in the bank, she was surprised to note that she had unconsciously saved a couple of thousand pesos!

• Prioritize expenses. With increasing prices, it seems like it’s harder to budget every thing. The key is, spend for necessity and hold back on unnecessary expenses.

Acquiring money does not always depend on how much you earn, but on how much you can save. Different people have different earning opportunities and potential, but what really counts is the amount you are able to save. While working at a bank, I witnessed a garbage collector depositing about fifty pesos into his savings account daily. After a couple of years, he was able to save more than a hundred thousand pesos!

Having lots of money might seem to be an advantage, but the fact remains: it is not the amount you have, rather the amount you can handle, that counts. back to top